I Gave Up On Myself…
Who’s ready for a doozie of a post? because this one has been in “draft” mode for awhile.. because I hate to be vulnerable. This is my story of what has been going on in my life for the last 18 months..
June 2016: I retired my blog… SouthernCaliSaver. This was a huge deal for me. This blog was my 4th child (at the time) and gave me life every.single.day. It gave me an extra push every day to get out of bed and start helping others save money. See, once you retire a blog.. there is no turning back. Why did I take away something that was so important to me?
8 years I ran the blog. I blogged through every important milestone of my kiddos lives, every holiday, every Tuesday, I spent 8+ hours doing coupon matchups and paid very little attention to my kids while I stayed glued to the computer screen. Sometimes with very little reward.
I spent most of my days running to every.single.grocery store — to take pictures, get prices and test deals. This was fun for awhile but it was literally exhausting. and my kids were at the point where they cried when they knew we were going into a store.. terrible right?
My husband got a huge promotion! One would be excited about this right? I was.. and that was what prompted me to take a step back.. this was my opportunity to be the mom I always wanted to be!
Life event #2: My husband lost his job. Just as fast as he got his job, he lost it 1 year later. This was our only income and I was heartbroken for him. He took a huge risk taking this promotion and he was used and abused and became extremely depressed during his time there.
Live event #3: 6 months we lived on unemployment and savings. I took odd jobs online to help make up the difference.
.. You would think that all of these things would make you want to go BACK to couponing and trying to save money.. Not me. It took me down a spiral of depression. I gave up, I felt guilty. I felt as though I had failed my family.
I immediately started looking into other ways to make money. I sold Lularoe, tried doing other things for income — but nothing made me feel good like blogging did. Not even our part-time Amazon gig was giving me what I needed.
I literally gave up. I spent the first half of my pregnant life– in bed. Feeling like I was about to bring a baby into a messed up world. We were behind on ALL of our bills, our house was about to be taken away, our cars.
Thankfully, at this point, George was back in the workforce and though we were still in the hole every month.. we were slowly catching up.
The point of this post is not to make you feel sorry for me but more for me to vent. I LOVE using blogging as a platform to share what I am thinking.. it gives me a kick in the butt and sorta helps me cope.
Fast forward to today:
This little girl came into our life just 2 short weeks ago and we have found a renewal in life. Not that our other kiddos don’t give us motivation.. but there is just something about a new little life that knows very little of the outside world and you just want to pack it up into a sweet little bundle just for her.
We are so over the moon, in love with her. She’s given us a chance to forget the past and keep moving forward. Probably the best medicine we could receive. <3
I know I’ve said this several times before but I do plan on posting more on SmartMoneyMom. I’m tired of putting it on the back burner.. and now that I’ve had this spark of motivation… I’m ready to share more with you.
Thank you for always having a listening ear. 🙂